CARRY ON

[awakener]

Fragments of scripture, of varying age and legitimacy, littered the respiteblock around the Awakener's feet. He was sat on the floor, a battered notebook on his knees, writing distractedly, and had been for a few hours.

He didn't have his own devoted scribe, so for a good few perigees now he'd been in the habit of keeping a record of things that had happened to him, in the half-hearted hope that somebody might think it was significant one day, and also because travelling alone meant he had nobody else to remember things with.

Quite a lot more had happened tonight than usual, but he was having trouble committing it to paper. He felt that having chanced to come across the descendant of the Psiioniic was worth recording, but he found himself dwelling instead on everything else. The attack on Yasidra Six, he felt, was worth going into quite a lot of detail on, as were his mixed feelings about the rebel movement who'd picked him up – he admired what they did for enslaved psionics, and although he knew he was supposed to be opposed to any violence or death, regardless of who was on the receiving end, he couldn't find it in himself to earnestly disapprove of attacks on the hated oppressor. But he was having a hard time convincing himself that no innocent bystanders had been harmed in all that.

He could already see himself getting into a heated argument about that one – he was pretty sure the Sufferer had said something relevant to the subject, but it wasn't anything he'd been able to find in any of the writings he'd managed to pick up on his travels. He made a note to ask about their policy on collateral damage, and also about the Summoner who Starfall had mentioned, and...

He stared at the page.

He'd run out of things to write about that didn't involve people who'd known him more than two sweeps ago.

He tapped his pen against the paper and frowned. Well, there wasn't any need to mention that, really. He'd never had cause before to write in here about much of anything that had happened to him before he'd been removed from Alternia, it would only be confusing to mention it now.

Probably the biggest shock, though, he started, and then scowled at the paper, and crossed that out.

Maybe, he thought, it would be better to wait until he had a better idea of the situation to go into any more detail about it.

If Sollux could actually haul himself out of whatever stupid funk he was in for long enough to –

The Awakener gritted his teeth, and inwardly corrected himself – if Sollux felt up to talking.

That was definitely what he had meant, because he was completely overflowing with compassion and acceptance.

He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. This was going to be a long flight.

Comments

[awakener]

He gave this due consideration, and then nodded. "I think I can manage with directions," he said, and stooped to pick up some of his scriptures. "You sure he's okay with this?"

[aerolith]

"Pretty sure, yeah," she said, leaning against the doorway. "Or at least he thinks he is. He actually seemed kind of embarrassed about the whole engine room thing"

[awakener]

The Awakener straightened up, smiling sympathetically. He'd had to remind himself to do that, but it wasn't because he didn't actually feel sympathetic – there was just that nasty treacherous part of him resurfacing with a vengeance to tell him that he shouldn't be showing it. He nodded again, and tucked the papers into his coat.

"Well, if you're sure," he said. "I'd really like to talk to him. Where do I need to go?"

[aerolith]

She pushed open the door, so that she was mostly in the hallway, and pointed down its length.

"You're set up on the same level, so you've just gotta head down that way and take a right when it splits off. Number is 22A. Can't miss it."

[awakener]

Walking alone through the corridors of an Imperial battleship was kind of intimidating, but, he reminded himself, it shouldn't be. If anything he was in less danger here than he had been in perigees.

Physically speaking, anyway.

He found the right door without incident, but for a while he just stood outside it, staring.

Eventually he figured this would be extremely embarrassing if somebody else walked past, though, and forced himself to lift his hand and knock.

[aerolith]

He'd been lying there for a while, by then. He was cleaned, dressed, and medicated against the left over ache, but he still didn't feel well. Of course, he hadn't for a long time, he guessed, and there was no reason for that to change. Not even with certain new relevations that he was still entrenched in coming to terms with.

He was layered in oversized clothes, yellow and black hoods still draped over his horns, his yellow undershirt covering up to his knuckles. The only bits of flesh exposed - or "flesh" as was more frequently accurate - was the outline of his face, and the ends of three mechanical limbs.

He was laying on his resting slab, in a daze, when he heard the knock. He'd been picking at his mechanical hand - pressing his claw into its joints in a mixture of entranced morbid curiosity and distain. But at the first sign of a visitor, he stopped.

"Yeah?" he called, voice still rough and sort of quiet.

[awakener]

"... Hi," he said, raising his voice a little. "It's ..." He hesitated, and glanced up and down the corridor, "... the Awakener. Captain Starfall said you were okay to talk."

[aerolith]

There was a contemplative pause following that, extending too long for it not to be a little awkward, until he finally spoke up again.

"Yeah," he said, starting to push himself up into a sitting position. "Come in."

[awakener]

That was okay, because how trepidatiously the door opened was at least as awkward as that had been.

The Awakener slowly appeared in the doorway, looking even more awkward, a mixture of uncertainty, concern, and cautious hope.

"Hey," he said. "I, uh – what should I call you?"

[aerolith]

He was looking away as the Awakener started to enter, staring off to the side and into space. But as his old friend gradually slipped into the room, his eyes were drawn back to him. They lingered on his face, a similar nervousness still very present, but more sad than hopeful.

There was another contemplative pause, his metal tipped feet clinking against the flooring. He glanced away again.

"The Aerolith," he finally decided, with a sense of finality.

[awakener]

He looked a little surprised – that explained 'Aero', but...

"I thought that was the ship."

[aerolith]

There was a sharp exhale of breath between his fangs, approximating a raspy little laugh.

"Yeah, well, it's my ship."

[awakener]

The Awakener stared at him for a moment, as if trying to make sense of that – then he dropped his head, and laughed, quietly.

"Yeah," he said, "fair enough." He looked back at the Aerolith as if he was about to say something else, but then he looked away again. "I'm sorry," he said, after a pause, "about before. And, I mean," he added, on a desperate impulse, "before that, too, about everything I ever – I'm not like that any more."

[aerolith]

The Aerolith's brow furrowed with a flash of annoyance that leveled out, after a moment, into a sort of exhausted resignation.

"Then what are you like?" he asked.

[awakener]

The Awakener looked at him in surprise, as if a) this was the last thing he'd expected to be asked, and b) he had no idea how to answer it.

"I ..." He shrugged, and looked down at his hands as he spread them. "I don't know. I just try not to be an egregious shitspewing jackass, that's all."

[aerolith]

He took a few slow breaths, like he was steadying himself. He turned his head.

"What happened to you?"

[awakener]

"... What do you mean?" He looked kind of defensive about it being asked like that, but more than that just confused. "I found out I had responsibilities, that's all."

[aerolith]

Frustrated anger finally breaks into his expression, his claws clenching around the edge of the slab.

"I mean where did you go?" he snapped.

[awakener]

The Awakener stared at him.

"I ..." He shook his head, still evidently bewildered, but an edge of irritation was slipping into his own expression as if in retaliation. "... I was pulled off Alternia by a Sufferist sect with a base in the Merek system, and..." He swallowed. "And then, I guess, all over the fourteenth sector, pretty much, I don't ... why?"

[aerolith]

Aerolith stared back at him, expression sinking even further a if the casualness with which the Awakener was relating the story of his disappearance was actively hurtful.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, with an edge of growing desperation.

[awakener]

The Awakener's brow furrowed.

"What? How the fuck was I supposed to tell you? I couldn't tell anyone, what would I even have said, oh, sorry for skipping out on inductory training, guys, turns out I'm the fucking messiah?"

[aerolith]

"Maybe we would have just believed you," he shot back, increasingly distressed. "Maybe none of that shit even mattered and you could have just told us you were fucking alive!"

[awakener]

"Wow, because I could just be totally sure I could trust everybody I knew with something like that! I wasn't supposed to be alive, okay? If anybody knew I was alive that would have been an enormous stupid risk!"

[aerolith]

The assertion that he couldn't have trusted him may a well have been a physical stab wound from the way the Aerolith reacted to it. He recoiled, and though for a moment it looked like he really just wanted to be angry, to growl and scream back at him, it was then that he finally lost control of himself completely.

Golden tears beaded around the edges of his mismatched eyes, as his whole offense crumpled painfully at once.

"Fuck you," was all he could choke out. "Fuck you."

[awakener]

The Awakener stared at him incredulously, completely taken aback and noticeably distressed by his reaction.

"Sollux, come on," he said, pleading, "just fucking think about it, please, what would I even have told you, how would ... I don't – why is this even such a big deal?"