CARRY ON

[awakener]

Fragments of scripture, of varying age and legitimacy, littered the respiteblock around the Awakener's feet. He was sat on the floor, a battered notebook on his knees, writing distractedly, and had been for a few hours.

He didn't have his own devoted scribe, so for a good few perigees now he'd been in the habit of keeping a record of things that had happened to him, in the half-hearted hope that somebody might think it was significant one day, and also because travelling alone meant he had nobody else to remember things with.

Quite a lot more had happened tonight than usual, but he was having trouble committing it to paper. He felt that having chanced to come across the descendant of the Psiioniic was worth recording, but he found himself dwelling instead on everything else. The attack on Yasidra Six, he felt, was worth going into quite a lot of detail on, as were his mixed feelings about the rebel movement who'd picked him up – he admired what they did for enslaved psionics, and although he knew he was supposed to be opposed to any violence or death, regardless of who was on the receiving end, he couldn't find it in himself to earnestly disapprove of attacks on the hated oppressor. But he was having a hard time convincing himself that no innocent bystanders had been harmed in all that.

He could already see himself getting into a heated argument about that one – he was pretty sure the Sufferer had said something relevant to the subject, but it wasn't anything he'd been able to find in any of the writings he'd managed to pick up on his travels. He made a note to ask about their policy on collateral damage, and also about the Summoner who Starfall had mentioned, and...

He stared at the page.

He'd run out of things to write about that didn't involve people who'd known him more than two sweeps ago.

He tapped his pen against the paper and frowned. Well, there wasn't any need to mention that, really. He'd never had cause before to write in here about much of anything that had happened to him before he'd been removed from Alternia, it would only be confusing to mention it now.

Probably the biggest shock, though, he started, and then scowled at the paper, and crossed that out.

Maybe, he thought, it would be better to wait until he had a better idea of the situation to go into any more detail about it.

If Sollux could actually haul himself out of whatever stupid funk he was in for long enough to –

The Awakener gritted his teeth, and inwardly corrected himself – if Sollux felt up to talking.

That was definitely what he had meant, because he was completely overflowing with compassion and acceptance.

He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. This was going to be a long flight.

Comments

[aerolith]

He looked almost surprised by the question. After a moment he nodded, still watching him, and slowly shifted over to make room on the slab.

[awakener]

He dropped himself into the remaining space with some relief, although he still looked pretty apprehensive.

"I..." He pushed both hands over his face. Right. Yes. "Okay. I. After they took me off Alternia, I stayed for, like ... fuck, like, five perigees, in this moonbase sanctuary in the twelfth sector, and then ..." He sighed, through his teeth. "And then it got nuked to shit by an Imperial patrol, probably because I was a stupid fuckstain who drew attention to where it was hidden by trying to leave like the biggest idiot douchebag ever pupated, and when I got back everyone was either dead or dying and I couldn't help any of them and Sister Mittens told me with her dying fucking breath like it was some kind of stupid movie that I should go to the sanctuary on the third moon of Uivl Five in the seventeenth sector and ... I still don't know if the trolls there know about this and they're expecting me or if there's anything they need to tell me, or if she just meant I'd be safe there, or what, but I can't know unless I go there."

He took a deep breath. He'd kind of spewed that all out in one go, like he didn't want to pause on anything in case it seemed like he was trying to make a big deal out of it instead of just explaining.

"And I've been trying to get there for more than a sweep."

[aerolith]

The Aerolith watched him as he told his story, ears folding back with an edge of tension. He had no idea how to react to it. He really felt like he had no idea about anything.

He leaned forward a little bit so he could face him better.

"I could get you there faster," he said.

[awakener]

The Awakener looked at him.

He'd been thinking of saying that the journey was as important as getting there and shouldn't be hurried – when it had occurred to him that the rebels might be able to give him a lift earlier, he'd decided against asking. For perigees he'd been relying on the idea that once he reached the sanctuary he'd find out what, exactly, he was supposed to be doing, that everything would fall into place. But the thought of actually getting there was kind of terrifying – what if they didn't have the answers? What if they weren't even there? – and he took just as much comfort in knowing how long it would take to get there.

Something had changed, though.

"... They'd probably be pretty glad to see you."

[aerolith]

"Yeah, for some dumbass reason," Aerolith replied, and for the first time there was something a bit warmer and more natural about the way he spoke and held himself. He crossed his legs beneath him, the shifting moving him a little closer.

"I still don't really get this whole being a religious celebrity thing."

[awakener]

"It's okay," said the Awakener, smiling very slightly, "you get used to it. And, like, sometimes people give you free stuff."

[aerolith]

"Yeah," he said, words coming a bit more freely. "I mean the trolls here are kind of a mix but most of them are kind of more pragmatic, I think, which is okay by me. It's just kind of like, oh shit, powerful psionic and huge fucking cruiser, and also some kind of historical destiny, that's cool too I guess."

[awakener]

"Yeah, I didn't get the impression this is like a deeply spiritual revolution you guys are running here. I guess for some people it just kind of happens to line up with what they already think so they might as well take it on board?" He shrugged. "Kind of easier to deal with than the trolls who completely shit their pants about it, but ..."

[aerolith]

"What were the ones you lived with like?" he asked, after only a brief pause. Blunt, like he had simply forgotten to be ginger.

[awakener]

The Awakener raised his eyebrows. "What, in the sanctuary ...? Dedicated, I guess. Like ... they'd been prepared to pick me up for sweeps, and they'd all studied the writings about it really carefully, and they were really determined to make me get it." He sighed, and leaned back a little. "And I just fucked them over."

[aerolith]

His eyes flicked in the Awakener's direction.

"Are you sure that you leaving was what triggered the attack?"

[awakener]

"They'd stayed hidden for sweeps," he said, looking at the ceiling. "I wasn't exactly subtle about storming out. I don't think it was a coincidence."

[aerolith]

The Aerolith's mouth opened a few times, like he was trying to figure out something to say but no sound would cross his lips. He was tense again, by the time he finally managed to force something out.

"Sorry," he said, looking down.

[awakener]

He shook his head. "I'm trying to make up for it. It's ... my shit to worry about, anyway, I don't think anybody else needs to be sorry about it."

[aerolith]

He didn't seem to know what to say to that, and he fell silent for a while, picking at his mechanical hand again with his claws. It was hesitant when he asked:

"What did the rebels here tell you about me?"

[awakener]

The Awakener paused, still looking at the ceiling.

Then he sat up a little. He'd already had a sobered look on his face, but now, as he looked back at the Aerolith, it was less wistful and more focused.

"They... said you escaped from Imperial service and they found you a couple of perigees ago," he said, carefully.

[aerolith]

There was a pause.

"Yeah," he said, distantly. It was accurate. Probably the most vague and forgiving one could be about describing it, but he was honestly okay with that. He just had no other way of knowing how much was already on the table.

He continued to fidget awkwardly.

[awakener]

He leaned forward slightly, frowning – it was pretty obvious the Aerolith was looking for something more here but he wasn't sure how much he should say.

"Captain Starfall said you were the only troll alive on board," he added, which was pretty vague too, but...

[aerolith]

His frown turned into scowl, though it clearly wasn't focused on the Awakener.

"The others didn't really approve of my travel plans."

[awakener]

"Yeah." He looked away. He wanted to disapprove. But he couldn't.

[aerolith]

The Aerolith didn't seem to want to look at him either, but he couldn't let it sit. Like he was craving the things the Awakener wasn't saying.

"...What does the scripture say about that?" he asked after a silence.

[awakener]

The Awakener sighed.

"The Sufferer said that if you have the opportunity to kill someone you have power over them greater than any caste privilege, and that no wrongdoing justifies taking advantage of it," he recited, with a sort of miserable resignation. "That to kill at all is as bad as to cull, but -" he broke off and looked up at the Aerolith in dismay. "What do you want me to say? I've killed trolls too. Some of the writings say the Sufferer never did but I don't know if I can believe them. The scripture isn't supposed to be used to judge people, it's – advice. For what you should do differently once you know."

[aerolith]

"What if it'd do it the same way every time?" he stumbled forward, more recklessly, ignoring the Awakener's more mediating statements. Like he was trying to provoke some kind of reaction. "What if I liked it?" He glared at the air in front of him. "What if it's what they fucking deserved?"

[awakener]

He winced. "Its not. It's not what anyone deserves. If making excuses for it makes it okay then anybody can make an excuse to kill someone else, and all you get is the biggest douchebags who can do the most murder shitting all over everyone else, which is what we've already got."

[aerolith]

He bore his fangs at that, hissing quietly through his teeth.

"Don't talk like it's the same thing," he growled, brow creasing in pain. "We never did anything to them."