CARRY ON

[awakener]

Fragments of scripture, of varying age and legitimacy, littered the respiteblock around the Awakener's feet. He was sat on the floor, a battered notebook on his knees, writing distractedly, and had been for a few hours.

He didn't have his own devoted scribe, so for a good few perigees now he'd been in the habit of keeping a record of things that had happened to him, in the half-hearted hope that somebody might think it was significant one day, and also because travelling alone meant he had nobody else to remember things with.

Quite a lot more had happened tonight than usual, but he was having trouble committing it to paper. He felt that having chanced to come across the descendant of the Psiioniic was worth recording, but he found himself dwelling instead on everything else. The attack on Yasidra Six, he felt, was worth going into quite a lot of detail on, as were his mixed feelings about the rebel movement who'd picked him up – he admired what they did for enslaved psionics, and although he knew he was supposed to be opposed to any violence or death, regardless of who was on the receiving end, he couldn't find it in himself to earnestly disapprove of attacks on the hated oppressor. But he was having a hard time convincing himself that no innocent bystanders had been harmed in all that.

He could already see himself getting into a heated argument about that one – he was pretty sure the Sufferer had said something relevant to the subject, but it wasn't anything he'd been able to find in any of the writings he'd managed to pick up on his travels. He made a note to ask about their policy on collateral damage, and also about the Summoner who Starfall had mentioned, and...

He stared at the page.

He'd run out of things to write about that didn't involve people who'd known him more than two sweeps ago.

He tapped his pen against the paper and frowned. Well, there wasn't any need to mention that, really. He'd never had cause before to write in here about much of anything that had happened to him before he'd been removed from Alternia, it would only be confusing to mention it now.

Probably the biggest shock, though, he started, and then scowled at the paper, and crossed that out.

Maybe, he thought, it would be better to wait until he had a better idea of the situation to go into any more detail about it.

If Sollux could actually haul himself out of whatever stupid funk he was in for long enough to –

The Awakener gritted his teeth, and inwardly corrected himself – if Sollux felt up to talking.

That was definitely what he had meant, because he was completely overflowing with compassion and acceptance.

He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. This was going to be a long flight.

Comments

[aerolith]

"Yeah. And then he died," the Aerolith added, hollowly.

[awakener]

"Yeah, well, that's why we got a second chance." He spread out his hands. "Anyway, what choice do I even have except to try?"

[aerolith]

His eyes were watering again, but it didn't reach the rest of his face. He just had the same broken expression as a bit of it made it onto his cheek.

"I can't end up like that," was all he could manage.

[awakener]

The Awakener's brow furrowed a little, like he'd missed something.

"Like what?"

[aerolith]

"Like they did," he said, his gaze falling. "I can't."

[awakener]

"... Oh," said the Awakener, and then, "Oh," again, no more or less emphatically, but as though something had just sunk in that he had previously not fully grasped.

He looked at the Aerolith for a couple of moments, and then he said, with fresh resolve, as though whatever had been sinking in had just hit something, "No. You won't. I'm going to win."

[aerolith]

There was a delay, where he didn't seem to know how to react to that. But it finally broke down with something sort of like a snort and sort of like a smile, but too painfully bittersweet to really be either. It was followed by a hiccup of a sob that was sad, small, and undignified in a way that he clearly didn't have it in him to care about.

"Yeah. Okay," he said a few moments later. It was almost dismissively, in a 'yeah sure I believe you' sort of tone, but there was an edge of desperation there that he couldn't quite shake.

[awakener]

"I'm serious," he said. "There are trolls all over the galaxy who are just sitting on their asses thinking there's no point trying to change anything because there aren't enough people on their side, all we need to do is convince enough of them it's worth it."

[aerolith]

He was quiet for a little while after that, the proposition settling in the air. His fingers scratched at the cloth over the resting slab.

"You should stay with us, then."

[awakener]

The Awakener nodded, slowly.

"I still need to get to Sector Seventeen," he said. "There's a sanctuary there, I'm supposed to..." He sighed and shook his head. "I was sent there when I left the first one they took me to, but it's all kind of a mess."

[aerolith]

He watched him, like he was searching for something.

"What happened?" he asked, carefully.

[awakener]

The Awakener hesitated. He made a point of just not talking about this because he didn't think it was relevant to what he was trying to do, but ... there didn't seem much point, really, in keeping things to himself, when this was Sollux, who already knew him, and who had already seen him at his worst.

He frowned slightly.

"Can I sit down?" he said.

[aerolith]

He looked almost surprised by the question. After a moment he nodded, still watching him, and slowly shifted over to make room on the slab.

[awakener]

He dropped himself into the remaining space with some relief, although he still looked pretty apprehensive.

"I..." He pushed both hands over his face. Right. Yes. "Okay. I. After they took me off Alternia, I stayed for, like ... fuck, like, five perigees, in this moonbase sanctuary in the twelfth sector, and then ..." He sighed, through his teeth. "And then it got nuked to shit by an Imperial patrol, probably because I was a stupid fuckstain who drew attention to where it was hidden by trying to leave like the biggest idiot douchebag ever pupated, and when I got back everyone was either dead or dying and I couldn't help any of them and Sister Mittens told me with her dying fucking breath like it was some kind of stupid movie that I should go to the sanctuary on the third moon of Uivl Five in the seventeenth sector and ... I still don't know if the trolls there know about this and they're expecting me or if there's anything they need to tell me, or if she just meant I'd be safe there, or what, but I can't know unless I go there."

He took a deep breath. He'd kind of spewed that all out in one go, like he didn't want to pause on anything in case it seemed like he was trying to make a big deal out of it instead of just explaining.

"And I've been trying to get there for more than a sweep."

[aerolith]

The Aerolith watched him as he told his story, ears folding back with an edge of tension. He had no idea how to react to it. He really felt like he had no idea about anything.

He leaned forward a little bit so he could face him better.

"I could get you there faster," he said.

[awakener]

The Awakener looked at him.

He'd been thinking of saying that the journey was as important as getting there and shouldn't be hurried – when it had occurred to him that the rebels might be able to give him a lift earlier, he'd decided against asking. For perigees he'd been relying on the idea that once he reached the sanctuary he'd find out what, exactly, he was supposed to be doing, that everything would fall into place. But the thought of actually getting there was kind of terrifying – what if they didn't have the answers? What if they weren't even there? – and he took just as much comfort in knowing how long it would take to get there.

Something had changed, though.

"... They'd probably be pretty glad to see you."

[aerolith]

"Yeah, for some dumbass reason," Aerolith replied, and for the first time there was something a bit warmer and more natural about the way he spoke and held himself. He crossed his legs beneath him, the shifting moving him a little closer.

"I still don't really get this whole being a religious celebrity thing."

[awakener]

"It's okay," said the Awakener, smiling very slightly, "you get used to it. And, like, sometimes people give you free stuff."

[aerolith]

"Yeah," he said, words coming a bit more freely. "I mean the trolls here are kind of a mix but most of them are kind of more pragmatic, I think, which is okay by me. It's just kind of like, oh shit, powerful psionic and huge fucking cruiser, and also some kind of historical destiny, that's cool too I guess."

[awakener]

"Yeah, I didn't get the impression this is like a deeply spiritual revolution you guys are running here. I guess for some people it just kind of happens to line up with what they already think so they might as well take it on board?" He shrugged. "Kind of easier to deal with than the trolls who completely shit their pants about it, but ..."

[aerolith]

"What were the ones you lived with like?" he asked, after only a brief pause. Blunt, like he had simply forgotten to be ginger.

[awakener]

The Awakener raised his eyebrows. "What, in the sanctuary ...? Dedicated, I guess. Like ... they'd been prepared to pick me up for sweeps, and they'd all studied the writings about it really carefully, and they were really determined to make me get it." He sighed, and leaned back a little. "And I just fucked them over."

[aerolith]

His eyes flicked in the Awakener's direction.

"Are you sure that you leaving was what triggered the attack?"

[awakener]

"They'd stayed hidden for sweeps," he said, looking at the ceiling. "I wasn't exactly subtle about storming out. I don't think it was a coincidence."

[aerolith]

The Aerolith's mouth opened a few times, like he was trying to figure out something to say but no sound would cross his lips. He was tense again, by the time he finally managed to force something out.

"Sorry," he said, looking down.